I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
