Girls should come with a carfax report
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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