mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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