I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
