Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
