Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
