Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
