Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
