Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
