The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
