It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
