i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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