im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
