I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
