Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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