I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
