I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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