I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
