how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
