Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had to cum in my sink.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
