i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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