Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
