The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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