She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
