when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
