dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
