And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
