somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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