Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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