dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
