Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
