I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
