hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
