It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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