shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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