I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
