Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
