Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
