I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
