I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
