i may or may not be watching the land before time
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
