Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
