You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
