I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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