just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize