what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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