I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
