i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
