Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Success! We fucked roommates!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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