Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
