they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Randomize
