My nipple is on Facebook.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
