My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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