I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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