Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
