Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
