My sheets look like a crime scene.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
