i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
