We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
