just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize