I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
