i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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