my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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