she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
