I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
