Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
