To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
