Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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