YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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