So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
